Suicide Cluster?

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This lovely lady is Sherry. She and my Sean were in a year long relationship when he ended his life. This picture is from his funeral on July 10, 2016. Today, August 6, 2016, she was remembered in her own memorial service. Sherry ended her life on Sean’s grave August 2, 2016, leaving a 7 year old son with no parents after making me promise her I’d be here for her son and her mom “in case anything happens”.

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Sherry and Sean’s son Makai

There’s nothing left inside for me. I don’t know how to begin to express feelings about this. Except a lot of anger for her deciding her son “would be fine” without her. I don’t know how to do anything but stare at the wall. I have 4 unfinished blog posts. Many half-finished watercolors. I’m just filled with nothing and pain. Nothing and despair. Nothing and panic. Nothing and tears and nothing. How am I to be here for a child when I’m not here for myself. Everytime I close my eyes I’m waiting for the next person to quit. I don’t blame anyone. I don’t want to keep going either. I feel obligated to post, but don’t want to depress everyone. This is all I’ve got to share though. Nothing.

3 thoughts on “Suicide Cluster?

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  1. I don’t have words either. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I am praying for you, because you need supernatural strength and resilience. What a beautiful grandson you have and he must be a huge blessing. But at the same time … yes. Also a difficult situation for you. And the little guy, poor thing. Cling to your dog and your boy and take it one step at a time, just one baby step to the next. One breath to the next. I wish I had better advice to offer. Sending supernatural strength and power your way, and your grandson’s way.

    1. Thanks so much Laura! I need to hear I’m not alone. Don’t feel bad about not knowing what to say. I’m completely dumbfounded in speech, thought, actions. and feelings. I’ll be there with you. Thanks again.

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