Tomorrow, July 11, 2016, it will be one week since the death of my son Sean. This week has been full of calls, texts, visits and family trying to come together. Words cannot describe the emotional and physical exhaustion or the physical pain involved in being up and walking so much this week. It’s also so hard to be the emotional support for so many others when all I want to do is cry myself to sleep every night. Having his children around is both a balm and a heartache. As I have been overwhelmed with the number of people deeply affected by his death I keep asking myself why this beautiful man gave up and didn’t fight. I know this is a question I’ll never be able to answer which just makes it all harder.
This quotation was something I received at an interpreting convention (sign language). I was going through old boxes I re-read it and remembered why I’d saved it. When I let Sean read it, he immediately wanted a copy. A friend made it into a poster and he took 3 copies. He hung one up in his shop at work and read it to his crew and new hires because this is one of the most important lessons you can learn in life. I believe this wholeheartedly and so did Sean. Read and think or not, the choice is yours. (I may have just channeled yoda)
Our single greatest gift is the freedom to choose our attitude.
Your Attitude is more important than knowledge, education, background, wealth, position, talent or appearance.
It is even more powerful than what other people think, or say or do.
It will make or break a team…a company …a person…a relationship…a home.
I am convinced that life is 5% what happens to me and 95% how I choose to look and react to it.
And so it is with you! Your attitude is your choice!
Ellen A. Miller
If you can wrap your mind around this you’ll be way ahead in life. Choose to be positive!
This is the concept to which I’m clinging. What will you choose?
I’m so lost I struggle to write. The thoughts in my head are jumbled, confused, sporadic. Plenty to say but I’m completely unable to form cogent thoughts. I still seem to be able to create, but not well. So I’m trying to stick with watercolor but needed some zenspiration.
This pattern/ tangle is called ribbon petals and was created (or deconstructed) by an artist from Australia named Helen Williams. Check out some amazing art as well as her wonderful tangle patterns here: Helen Williams site alittlelime.blogspot.com
I can’t continue so I will see you tomorrow. Happy #worldwatercolormonth
This week’s Diva challenge was to make a tile that shows your allegiance to your country (wherever that may be). Here’s mine:
I’ve kinda been phoning this stuff in since the death of my son. I hope in the weeks to come I’m able to put a lot more into them. Still too fresh.
Thanks for stopping by everyone! I hope I’m not so depressing very long!
Well this one is pretty emotionally dark but that’s all I have in me right now. This is for my Sean.
Tonight my heart is torn out and bleeding. One of my sons committed suicide tonight. I know he felt he had a good reason but he didn’t. He left four little boys that desperately need their dad and a woman who loved him wholeheartedly. Also a Mom who just wants her son back. My life has been forever changed and one of this world’s finest men is gone. I can’t understand it and I’m too heartbroken to be rational. I don’t know if I can post for awhile, or I might need it. My Sean was an exceptional man with so much integrity and love for his family. I just can’t understand giving up when things are tough. Thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated.
I know you’re thinking this is an art blog and you’re right. But I had a real need to express something about KD’s decision to leave the Thunder for Golden State. First off, I’m pretty sure the whole state is feeling betrayed as am I. If this were a business decision and not just about a ring I could understand. I’m looking at it from a fan’s perspective and I know he made the decision he thought was best for him.
That said, I want to ask how meaningful that ring will be to him stepping into a team that has a full rich roster and everything spoon fed. A ring in OKC would be a triumph, ring in the bay… Who cares? Not a single person in this state! I hope he’ll happy in his perfect little world. I never thought OKC would boo KD but I guarantee his first game here will be unpleasant. Nothing hurts more than betrayal and this fan is betrayed. Lucky for me, I’m a big fan of Mr. Triple double, Russell Westbrook. Without KD and Serge Ibaka it’s Russell’s Team all the way. I already know KD is irreplaceable but if anyone can pull this together, it’s Russ. I don’t know what this season will bring but this state, people and team will survive and flourish as we always do. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out KD, Golden State already had it’s stars, I guess you’ll just be one of the pack. Not being THE star might be harder than you expect. Too bad, this could’ve been the year for us.
Rant over. Disappointment continues.
It’s so important to me to remember the significance of this day. I have lived in other countries and it helped me to understand that although I don’t agree with my country’s politics and I despair over our choices for the next presidential election, I still am so grateful to live in this country where I can disagree and try to reach my full potential as a woman. There may be other places in the world where this can happen but nowhere else do women have the opportunity to act and speak and succeed based on our own drive and intelligence. No, our country isn’t even close to perfect, but I’m still SO thankful to live here in the United States of America! Happy Independence Day!
OK so I cheated a bit on this painting. I used a Sharpie Poster Paint marker for white accents (hey! It’s water based!). And I used blue and red glitter pens to make it sparkle, unfortunately I’m the only one that can see the glitter 😃.
See everyone tomorrow, when hopefully it will be a better try!
Happy Independence Day!
Today was harder. I tried going red with the flowers and ended with a gloppy brown mess! (Yes, now gloppy is a word, you’ll find many new words here, I need to inform Dictionary.com!) So, I’ve decided to work on a small scale and be simple today. I decided to sketch in a flower instead of just glopping (see? It’s a verb!) paint on the page as I did yesterday.
And once again I am surprised by the end. Not so bad for a 2nd try!
This is so beautiful, poignant and true everyone should read it. Thanks to fellow blogger MakeItUltra at MakeItUltra for reposting this so it could touch me too.
[Text] Soon I will be gone forever, but that’s okay as long as someone reads this
I am only 24 years old, yet I have actually already chosen my last tie. It’s the one that I will wear on my funeral a few months from now. It may not match my suit, but I think it’s perfect for the occasion.
The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realized that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions . The way I’ve lived my life so far, my existence or more precisely the loss of it, will not matter because I have lived without doing anything impactful.
Before, there were so many things that occupied my mind. When I learned how much time I had left, however, it became clear which things are really important. So, I am writing to you for a selfish reason. I want to give meaning to my life by sharing with you what I have realized:
Don’t waste your time on work that you don’t enjoy. It is obvious that you cannot succeed in something that you don’t like. Patience, passion, and dedication come easily only when you love what you do.
It’s stupid to be afraid of others’ opinions. Fear weakens and paralyzes you. If you let it, it can grow worse and worse every day until there is nothing left of you, but a shell of yourself. Listen to your inner voice and go with it. Some people may call you crazy, but some may even think you‘re a legend.
Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you. Limit bad habits and try to lead a healthier life. Find a sport that makes you happy. Most of all, don’t procrastinate. Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t.
Appreciate the people around you Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted.
It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realizations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is.
I’m not upset because I understand that the last days of my life have become meaningful. I only regret that I will not be able to see a lot of cool stuff that should happen soon like the creation of AI, or Elon Musk’s next awesome project. I also hope that the war in Syria and Ukraine will end soon.
We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box – a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realize it.
You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, hour after hour. Or, you can fight for what you believe in and write the great story of your life. I hope you will make the right choice.
Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever. Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count!
According to fellow blogger Laura at createarteveryday.com, July is official World Watercolor Month! Check out her blog for great watercolor tips and ideas. In keeping with this I’m going to take a shaking step into the watercolor media. I’ve always wanted to learn, I have a bargain set of 12 Daler Rowney tubes (if you even call them that) but I’m saving for a set with a few more color choices.
Yesterday I watched about 10 YouTube tutorials and got some really great tips. So today I used the back of my test page yesterday. I didn’t expect to like what came out so I wasn’t worried about it showing through. As with all things art, expect the unexpected. I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome even with the limited palette choice. I don’t know if I will get a watercolor every day this month done but I will certainly be doing more. Thanks for the encouragement Laura!